I’ve started reading this Max Lucado book…It’s about changing yourself to be well, just like Jesus.
Anyways, I think I missed out on a divine appointment today. Sorry I let you down again..
Today, I attended a workshop with the YMCA..it’s their “Summer Employment Program” and it’s supposed to help me find a job. My mom had to drop me off a couple of hours early, so to kill time, I walked to a nearby library.
I was sitting in front of a computer, chatting on WebMessenger and doing some random surfing on the internet when a guy sat down beside me. He peered very obviously at what I was doing, and I gave him a cold “Hey, what’s up?”
Guy: Not much. You got a problem?
Me: No, no problem? Do you have a problem?
Guy: Nah, I don’t have a problem. [pause] How old are you?–
Me: How old are YOU?
I don’t know if it’s because of my upbringing, but I was very defensive. I guess it was because he was black.
I’m not racist, okay…maybe you can judge for yourself.
I’ve lived in Scarborough all my life..grown up in the heart of Malvern..infamous for high crime rates. It is a low-middle class area, with a large population of African-Americans. When I was in middle school, I’d take the bus home everyday. I remember how more than once, I had people (black people), snicker at me simply because I’m Chinese. “Yo CHINK, get of the bus you stink…go home and shower…GO HOME.”
Do you know how much that hurts? To have someone make fun of you because of something you have no control over? To have someone make such rude comments without knowing a single THING about you?
I guess this is just a glimpse of the hurts that Jesus endured.
He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Isaiah 53:3-4
In Atlanta, many of those we reached out to were people in the city..the poor, the homeless. And a lot were black people…Atlanta opened my eyes to love as Jesus loved. I think it was the first time I truly felt compassion for the lost.
I don’t know why my heart has hardened so…Maybe it’s another defense mechanism…for my personal protection. I guess it was rude of me but I asked the guy I talked to in the library (who’s name I found out was Shawn - he asked me for my name first) why those guys had treated me that way.
And he said “I don’t know why.”
Other interesting snippets..
Shawn: Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: Nope
Shawn: Have you ever dated a black guy?
Me: Nope. But then again, I’ve never dated…period.
Shawn: You’ve NEVER DATED? [mutters under his breath]
Me: Do you have something to say?
Shawn: Nah..just that you missed out on being young..
Me: What do you mean?
Shawn: Like..hugging and stuff…not going all the way or anything, but yeah…you know…Friends with priviledges.
Me: Interesting…but yah, you can hug without having a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Shawn: So what do you do for fun?
Me: I go to church.
Shawn: [mutters something inaudible]
Me: Do you go to church?
Shawn: Sometimes….
Me: Why not more than that?
Shawn: I dunno…
Shawn: So are you a good girl?
Me: Yeah, I’m a good girl. Are you a good boy?
Shawn: Yeah, I’m a good boy…well, depends what you call a good boy.
Anyways, twas an interesting conversation. I guess I felt more “comfortable” interacting with strangers in Atlanta because I know I had other people to back me up…that and I had the mentality that I was there to do God’s work. I find it hard to trust strangers…I don’t know if they’re out to make me look like a fool or just to get kicks out of making fun of me. I don’t know if they’re like that greyhound guy.
Maybe I could’ve been nicer to Shawn, instead of being so curt and using blunt humour. I can use the excuse of protecting myself, but then I remember reading stories about people going through dangerous circumstances for the purpose of preaching the Good News. I remember this one story of a female missionary who got raped several times…but she forgave those men and was bold enough to go back to share the gospel. I know talking to a guy in a public library is far from getting raped, but it just got me thinking…How willing am I to suffer for the gospel?
Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted
If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
Phil 2:1-11
