princess paupr’s Reflections

Summer is almost half over for me=/ (yeah, you highschool students just got off..heheh..)

MAY - I spent most of May job-hunting and recuperating from my sleep debt. I should’ve enjoyed it more, but I’m such a worry-wort. I think that’s something that I really need to work on…worry less…trust more. I don’t quite know how to go about doing that though. Pray continually?

JUNE - I started my job early june and that has been going pretty well. I enjoy what I do, and the people I work with are really nice=) Except for the fact that I’ve been sick a lot. Although the work I do is not particularly “challenging”, I have experienced what it is like to be in a working environment where I need to be doing something all the time. It is a stressful in that I feel like I should be doing “more” a lot of the time, and I care about whether the boss is happy with what I do.

There’s still a lot of things I would like to do before school begins. I want to get back “in touch” with the people in church, highschool friends. Although I’m “back”, it seems like I’m not really a part of things anymore. It’s expected of course…I haven’t been in contact with many of them. But I believe that the best friendships are truly those that can pick up where they left off. That’s not to say you don’t TRY to care about your friends even when you don’t see them regularly.

I guess what hurts sometimes, is knowing that you care more about a friendship than the other person. Is that a selfish thing though? To want others to care about you as much as you do to them… It says that “we love, because HE first loved us”. Someone once told me that there’s a reason for any relationship; relationships involve the trading of “something”. Whether it’s money, support, knowledge…There is something you expect from others, and there are some things you offer in relationships. But can you sincerely love self-lessly? Without expecting something in return?

Other things I would like to do…read books that will help me better understand Christianity and my faith. I want to also practice guitar and be able to play scales well…I want to improve my improvising for piano..

And I want to truly “pray continually”. Like..the WHOLE DAY…no matter what I’m doing, to focus my attention on God. I don’t think I’ve ever done that…It would be so coooooooooooooool. Or learning to just…LOVE GOD more than anything in this world. More than life itself. Learning to aim for things that are eternal. Learning to be perfect, as our Lord is perfect.