*disclaimer* to the pseudo-relationship dude, no hard feelings about being referred to as “pseudo” ? =)
I think it’s time I post this up…I recently revised it for my membership at CFC…
Spiritual Life Story
Jacqueline Leung
Although I have attended church ever since I could remember, I never truly experienced a close relationship with God in my life until the past few years. When I was young, church meant stories about the bible and Jesus, playing with friends etc… Church was very routine and I never thought too much of it. I didn’t feel that I really needed Jesus in my life because I was a “good kid”; I tried to obey my parents and do well in school. Despite my “I’m good enough” mentality, I accepted Jesus as my savior in my children’s fellowship in grade 4 because it seemed everyone else had.
In my elementary school years, I felt very lonely. I didn’t have many friends in my school because everyone thought I was a “teacher’s pet” and that I was a “nerd”. So when I arrived at a new school in grade 7 and 8, I was determined to fit in and make lots of friends. I tried to find satisfaction and approval from friends and teachers and my parents. Although I gained some of these things, it was never enough. While these things made me feel content, I would soon go back to being unhappy. Going into high school, I tried to find satisfaction in clothes, good marks etc but none of these things made me feel any better about myself. I entered a pseudo-relationship for the first time, with a boy I had a crush on (I say pseudo because I was quite immature and didn’t know what I was doing back then=P) hoping he would fill the emptiness I still felt inside. However, neither he could fill the void I felt. I knew something was missing but I wasn’t sure what it was.
I attended a conference for teens in 2001, feeling very lost. I was desperate to find something real, something lasting, unlike clothes, grades or even boys. After hearing the message and worshipping with so many other teens, I felt God calling me to surrender my life to Him. I realized it was God that was missing in my life. At that point, I wasn’t sure if I had truly accepted Jesus Christ as my saviour. So during the alter-call, I decided to go up. I talked with a counselor, we prayed together and I (re)committed my life to God. I decided that I would let God lead my life. Before, I thought that I could earn my way to heaven because I was a good student and daughter. However, I learned that it is not by works that I am saved; it is through believing the God sent his son, Jesus Christ to die for my sins so that I can have eternal life. I also realized that God loved me and that only His love could truly fill me and make me complete. After the conference, I felt my life was different. I no longer felt so empty inside… It was like a brand new start.
Although life has not been perfect since then, I have experienced God’s peace despite difficult circumstances; I have peace of mind knowing it is He who is in control of everything. Before, I would look to myself to gain strength; after my decision to follow Jesus, I started depending on Him more for guidance. As well, I realized that God’s love is far better than anything else in this world. Nothing can replace Him.
On December 22nd, 2002, I was baptized at Toronto Jaffray Chinese Alliance Church by Reverend William Yung.
Presently, I am walking with Jesus and learning more about Him everyday. Through the Chinese Christian Fellowship at the University of Waterloo and Community Fellowship Church, I feel very encouraged to grow in my faith and to share it with others. I entered University this past year and through the struggles I have felt God’s presence and peace. I hope that university will continue to strengthen my relationship with God and that through all the challenges I face, God will shape me into the person He wants me to be.
Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him; I will surely defend my ways to his face.
Job 13:15
(here’s how my trusty study bible explains this verse)
Here is one of the most astounding declarations of faith in God’s goodness ever uttered. Whatever God allowed to happen to Job, whatever burden he laid upon him, even if he should “slay” him, Job believed ultimately that God would not fail him. Paul expressed this same confidence in God’s love for his faitful people. Although the Lord may take away comfort after comfort, health may be destroyed and waves of trouble may come upon us, through the grace of Jesus Christ and the power of his saving death, we can trust GOd with unwavering faith, convinced that he is right, just and good.
I’ve been reading Job and I think it’s amazing how Job really trusts God and puts his faith in Him. Even when all this crap happens to him (death of loved ones, livestocks and wealth stripped away, and personal illness and disease), he doesn’t yell at God or curse his name. I guess I just keep thinking back to when I didn’t have a job at the beginning of the summer. I felt like God was withholding the best from me, withholding what I need from me. For such a small thing, I got pretty upset…*sigh* I guess through all this, the job hunting experience (oh, and it’s just begun…co-op job hunting is just around the corner), I’ve just been reminded that God DOES provide, and God DOES have a plan and God IS in control. Yeah, it seems like I always need to be reminded of old lessons..
Anyways, I think it’s been awesome because lately I’ve been able to talk to my co-worker more… She and I are really different (she’s much more chinesey than and I’m “cbc” — i was born in hk, arrived 11 months old in Canada). I want to share with her my story…but I don’t know how and I don’t know how she’ll take it. Mm…please pray for me..
