There is nothing we can do to make God love us more; there is nothing we can do to make God love us less.
You have my heart
And I am Yours forever
You are my strength
God of grace and power
And everything You hold in Your hand
Still You make time for me
I can’t understand
Praise You God of Earth and sky
How beautiful is Your unfailing love
Unfailing love
And You never change God You remain
The Holy One, My unfailing love
Unfailing love
You are my rock
The one I hold on to
You are my song
And I sing for You
i don’t have the words to say
or the paint to make your rainbow un-gray
but if you let me, i’ll stay a while
Sit by your broken swing and listen to you
Listen to the silence
..because the words unspoken speak straight to the heart
maybe i’m bi-polar.
read with discretion.
i don’t know what i’m doing…i don’t know where i should be. Is my place in CCF? What is the purpose of CCF? What is the purpose of fellowship? I think that fellowship is a place where people gather to worship God…through different activities like bible studies, games nights, workshops, singing etc. It is where you get encouragement from other christians to “run the race”..It is a place where you can serve and a place where you can outreach. How then, is it different than church? Hmm…I just think that it’s less “structured” than the church services on Sunday. It focusses on the people. But at the same time, it’s turning our eyes, once again, to the cross. For example, through the people’s sharings about the things God has done, we are reminded of how is our God..
Why CCF?
This question has been troubling me for a long time now. Before I entered university, I’d already heard about how UWCCF is really big fellowship. I heard that it was a good fellowship…people would “take care” of me and it’s a warm and welcoming group. And when I started attending CCF, I quickly found a group of brothers and sisters that I bonded/”clicked” with really well.
So what then, is the problem?
The problem is that although I enjoyed all the moments I spent with my CCF friends, I look back and realize I didn’t spend time with people OUTSIDE of CCF! I didn’t meet many classmates, I wasn’t tight with people on my floor. And because I stayed in my bubble, ALL my friends at waterloo are yellow. I went from all brown friends to all yellow friends. =/
What about “finishing the job”? What about loving others, especially the lost?
What else is out there? Where can I grow the most? Or are these bad questions to ask? I think that by joining another fellowship, I would be forced to meet new people and to be out of my comfort zone. It’s so cut and dry, I know…But I just don’t know what to do. What if God is telling me I have to let go? Is it possible to stay at CCF and spend more time outside of CCF? What about the friendships I built first year?
I don’t know..*sigh* I just don’t know if I should I even go to frosh connexions…I feel like such a hypocrite.
***
I lay awake last night just thinking…Could I have changed things so that it wouldn’t end this way?
Thanks for your friendship and support during that time in my life.
Did I not try hard enough to bridge the gap? Am I guilty of an unforgiving heart? …because it still hurts when I think about the past. Maybe I shouldn’t have cut him off…
It just hurts to know I’ve lost a friend. It hurts because I can’t do anything about it. Or can I? I can’t fix this..by myself
Today was my harmony 4 exam…all in all, it went better than I had expected; it was more “do-able” than I thought it would be. If only I really understood the material… The night before, I studied sorta half-heartedly. I just wanted it to be over with so badly that I didn’t want to look at the stuff=/ I think I should stop with the attitude that school and academics are a kind of “suffering”. I just don’t know how….
Anyways, I wasn’t particularly stressed for this exam because it doesn’t have any bearing on my university career. I took harmony because my mom really wants me to finish off my theory so that I can get gr 10 Piano certificate. I think I sorta want to too. But maybe that’s why it was so hard to study for this exam…Intrinsic rewards are much more effective that extrinsic rewards– like a certificate. All that work for a piece of paper…*sigh* Of course you can always say that music enriches our lives, helps us become more “disciplined” in other aspects.
So what was really cool was how my exam was held in a room in an old presbyterian church. In total, only around 20-25 people wrote RCM exams at that location! And only 3 or 4 (including me) wrote the harmony 4 exam. I remember for my previous exams (where I marked down the correct district I live in), I sat in a huge cafeteria with a loooooot of ppl at the same time. The feeling you get is kinda the same as writing exams at PAC. You are REALLY but a number…just a tiny little speck.
After my exam, I had lunch with my dad at Chinatown. (hehe…old school^^) It’s rare that I get to spend time with my dad… Another good thing about work is that my dad drops me off every morning and picks me up. We talk on the way.. It’s hard to talk to him about things close to the heart…I do that more with my mom. But yeah..the more I think about it, my dad and I are really similar (not just in appearance but in the way we act) I think I take after him a lot. Even though he doesn’t hug me or show his love for me physically (as I know it is with many Chinese families), I can see through his actions that he wants the best for me. There’s a lot I respect about him…
Yup, so I bought a flute at Steve’s Music Store^^. I’m so happppppy because I finally own one of my own. I’ve played for so many years, but never owned one. Even though I’m not very good, at least I can pull it out once in a while and not let all those years of fluting go to waste. =)
So it was a nice sunny day today. When I try to see the whole picture, it just seems so much more beautiful…
