princess paupr’s Reflections

The wall won.

I haven’t blogged much lately…I don’t have much to say, or maybe I just don’t think a blog is the right way to express the thoughts I have. I’ve also been busy-ish.  But now I have stuff on my mind.

So far, I haven’t blogged much about Gordon…or about anything involving him. I think most people don’t want to hear about people talking about their bf/gf (especially for those who are single - and i totally understand why). Before I was in a relationship, I used to really almost “hate” couples…well, the really touchy-feely ones at least. I felt like they were throwing it in my face that they had something I did not have. Anyways, I’m going to blog about him, so if you don’t care to know then just stop reading.

It’s been about half a year now that we’ve been “in a relationship”…and it’s definitely been a blessing:) Gordon is a best friend to me, who goes the extra mile to help me, care for me in whatever way he can. Without sounding too cheesy or whatever, he is just very very sweet…haha! He chauffers me without complaining, makes me cheesecake, he helps rub medicine on my bruises.. He listens to me drone on about how stressed I am about different things. He challenges me spiritually through ie: his experiences in serving, he tells me factoids that are so random but interesting. Yah, the rest of the time he’s a goofball and a klutz. I’m a blessed girl….

Recently, I was struggling with figuring out my priorities - taking history 4 lessons caused conflict in my schedule with softball games/governing. My two options were 1) Take the class where the lessons are once a week on Sundays from 4:30-7 (which would mean skipping a couple of games, some of which I should be helping out with as governor) or 2) Take the crash course in 6 weeks starting in July from Mondays to Thursdays at 8:15-9:30pm (which would mean I could attend all my softball games, BUT I would be very tired everyday). I really didn’t want to do option 2, but I didn’t want to skip games and be “uncommitted”…so I decided to take option 2 anyways, without really consulting any other staff member to ask what they think. Gordon reminded me that I shouldn’t be so “autonomous”/independent and take on all the burden by myself, because it would only hurt me in the end. After that, I agreed I should try and see if I can work around option 1’s schedule instead. So I talked to Arthur and he told me to do whatever I needed to do to stay “sane” at the end of the summer.

I chose option 1. YAY for that:)

But it has not been easy. There’s a lot of tension between my mom and I (please pray for us), and I am still struggling with putting aside this anger/pent-up frustration with her. Today I had a breakdown and it just wasn’t pretty. I keep thinking how much easier it would be if I had different parents…if my parents were caucasian. It sounds pretty horrible and maybe it’s true…maybe I’m an ungrateful child…but I feel like I deserve to be trusted - I haven’t done anything to prove otherwise. I want to make my mom happy, but I want to be happy too. I feel like I’m in the middle, trying to balance both sides and well, it sucks a lot sometimes.

On a completely different note…I’m really happy for all you people going off to optometry or med school in September. Congrats! All the hard work finally paid off and as much as I’m going to miss you, I know you’re off to bigger, better things. I want to especially thank one brother of mine (whose name shall remain anonymous - he’s terribly shy:P) who made a profound impact on my university life and who I will miss dearly.

The first time we talked was probably at a breakfast/lunch with some upper year ccf-ers and frosh. He wore a huge grin and I remember we somehow came across the topic of blogs. I told him I had one - biggest mistake of my life (just kidding). Little did I know that he was quite the stalker adept researcher. He found my blog, read up on my entire life-story and learned about my struggle with academics. He made it his goal to make me as good at studying as he was.

First year, second term, I pretty much disappeared from the face of the planet. I studied all the time with bro and learned to be “hardcore”. Although it was difficult and I can definitely say I learned a lot, and had a lot of fun too:) Text-twist, relationship stories, home-made music videos…

Through bro, I learned that University can be really really really really hard (academically), but it doesn’t mean you should just give up without a fight. I think it was through bro that I developed a stronger work ethic. Work hard, play hard:)

Bro also made me lead a CCF bible study in my frosh year - he pushed me in more ways than just academically. He also has such a big heart for caring for others and helping out wherever he can. Although he eats off ppl, farts and burps like no tomorrow, he’s a big softy too. har har.

Anyways, here’s to bro - I will miss you.