So I haven’t been blogging much lately, mainly because I don’t know what to say anymore. I think 2008 started off kinda rough, with the last couple of posts being “rants”. I’d like to think it’s because I just don’t like the winter season and so it’s affect my overall mood. I don’t know about you, but the bitter cold, short days, and having to wear a bazillion layers makes me depressed.

I’m trying to decide where I want to be this summer. I started researching over the holidays and I found out that Toronto City Mission (TCM) has a summer internship program for university/college students…Here’s a little blurb on the job description..

The Summer Mission Intern will participate in community outreach and service projects and training and preparation activities during the first five weeks of the program. You will serve as staff in existing programs for at-risk kids, teens and parents.

The Summer Missionary Intern will work together with Leaders in Training and volunteers, under the direction of the Community Missionaries during training sessions and day camp, to provide a caring, loving, safe and fun environment in which you will share the love of God in word and deed with the campers in your care.

I feel like this is such an awesome opportunity to see God work in the community around me.  When I read about the internship, I was really excited and wanted to do it for sure.  (Unlike some of the jobs I applied for on jobmine for co-op)  I guess my passion is really in working with people…

So why do I want to do this TCM thing?  I grew up in one of the more “ghetto” parts of Toronto, but I still was pretty sheltered growing up. I never really went out to “play” after school…instead I stayed home and watched “Saved by the Bell” and other cool shows:P.  Looking back, I realize I kept to myself and never was aware of my community around me.  I didn’t go to nearby highschool in grade 9 because I thought I would get a better education elsewhere.  If anything, I didn’t want to be a part of my community because I often felt like I didn’t really belong.

Last Sunday, I went to Holly’s Sunday School class and the topic of the week was racism. One of the questions she asked was whether anyone had experienced or witnessed acts of racism in their life.  I wasn’t sure if I should share, but I did anyways.  I can remember at least 3 or 4 incidences when I was singled out for being a Chinese girl.  (I blogged about this once a long time ago) One time on the bus going home from school, a black kid, probably even younger than me at the time (I think I was in gr 7 or 8), started harassing me with comments like “yo chink, you stink, get off the bus…you stink, go home and shower”.  I remember the hurt I felt, being discriminated against something I had no control over.  For the record, I don’t think I stink:P  Other painful incidences I recall include walking from the bus stop, through the park to go home.   There would often be groups of black guys hanging around the park, and I remember being made fun of more than once, for being Chinese, for carrying a big backpack.  Another disturbing incident occurred at the CNE, when I was waiting in line for one of the rides.  There was this young black, child (4 or 5)  with her mom, waiting in line in front of me.  I remember smiling at her and just trying to be friendly.  She looked at me and said something like “Stop looking at me, Chinese girl”.

My experiences with black people have thus, been more negative than positive.  And I think in some ways, even though I have forgiven those ppl and try not to have anything against black people, I feel like other ppl might feel the same way about me.  Of course, we shouldn’t care about what others say (it’s just hard to be completely immune to others).

In any case, I think that this inner-city missions project would be a chance for me to come out of my shell.  It’s not because I want to prove to black people that I forgive them…but it’s to acknowledge that this is my community and to show God’s love to those I encounter.

Anyways, it’s for 12 weeks and so I could (most likely) count it towards my co-op credit.  But I still need to find a job for Sept-December.