This term has been flying by…I finished my 6 week placement in mid June and then went straight back into classes. I’m in school til the end of July..after which I’ll have a month off in August to take a break.
What a year it’s been… I often catch myself complaining about how tired I am and how busy my life is. School isn’t easy, but I have to remind myself that it is a blessing to have the opportunity to study and that it wouldn’t be worth it if it was easy.
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About a week ago, I received a letter from OSAP saying that there is a discrepancy in my application. I had checked the box that says I don’t own any vehicles. However, when OSAP ran my driver’s license through the system, it said I own the RAV4 we bought last October. Because my family wanted the 500$ “new grad” incentive, I became the co-owner of the car with my mom…Even though I didn’t pay for the car, it became my “asset”. Because of this moment of greed, I now am unable to apply for OSAP, and will not be eligible for a bursary or UTAPS. It seemed like such an easy decision to make in October to go for the 500$ discount, but what we didn’t know were the long-term consequences. I cannot take my name off as co-owner unless I sell the car to a third party (which we’re not going to do).
I was so upset when I learned about the bind I got myself in. It’s a tough lesson to swallow, but some choices we make have unfortunate and lasting consequences. Thankfully, I have a dad who is always willing to help me financially. As much as I want to be independent and shoulder my own financial burdens, I need to suck up my pride and be willing to receive his charity (in the original definition of the word, it means love). Further, dad reminded me that whatever can be fixed with money isn’t really a problem.
Anyways, the bigger issue is also remembering Jehovah Jireh…God is the provider of all things. I have never lacked anything in the past, so why should I worry? I need to continually trust that He will provide for me what I need, when I need it.
It’s not that I don’t have any thing to say, but just that I don’t know how to put things into words anymore. Anyways, here’s a quick update.
So much has happened since school started. Plans of being cool, calm and collected were pretty much shafted because well, I’m too cool to stay cool.
School is going pretty well. However, seasonal depression is starting to kick in with the short days, cold weather, chronic sleep deprivation, occupational imbalance and delays on the TTC. I need to invest in some bright lights.
When people ask me how I’m liking OT, I usually tell them “oh it’s okay” or “it’s alright so far”. In all honesty, I’m not very “engaged” in the learning so far because it’s all about foundational, theoretical models…but I’m not really complaining. I did really enjoy going on a 2-week placement to observe an OT at RVC hospital (where I realized how most of the theories have little application in the working world haha). And I’m super thankful that my study group gets along really well. Almost all of the assignments are group work, and I’ve heard that some of my classmates have some tension going on in their groups. My group and I exercised creativity in two of our presentations, dressing up as hippies/scientists.
Oh and we saved Africa.
Going into UT, one thing I’ve made a conscious effort to do is have fun and be open to meeting new people. It’s been difficult to really do those things because I commute downtown and often don’t want to stick around after class is done. However I did…
..go on a boat cruise with my classmates! and..
A halloween party @ Val’s place. Yes, I thought a leadpipe was to be used as a blow dart;)
So it’s been a while since I last updated. This summer has been quite busy… Right after finishing up my last term of undergrad, I travelled for 3 weeks around HK/China. As soon as I came back I started my training with TCM (6 weeks in total), and then now, I’ve just finished up the third week of camp (3 more weeks to go!!)
Unfortunately, I cannot post up any of the pics of the kids online because of privacy/security reasons. But I can share some stories, to paint the picture of what camp is like at Malvern Sonshine Day Camp.
In the past 3 weeks at camp, I have been frustrated/exasperated, annoyed/irritated, and tired/exhausted. I chose to lead the gr 3/4s at camp thinking that they’d be the easiest group. (I had thought that gr 1/2s are too young and the gr 5/6s tend to be are mouthy and taller than me). However, the generous consensus is that have the most difficult group. I’ve got the Three musketeers + Neo* (they’re essentially 4 boys who are extremely disruptive, don’t listen, and Neo likes to pick fights and probably has ADHD) And yet there have been a few shining moments that make all of it worthwhile. Like when Neo looks you in the eye and smiles the purest, most beautiful smile that warms your heart. And when the little kids sing “Jesus you’re my superhero” and do the actions with such enthusiasm!
Today we went to Petticoat Creek to swim in their humongo outdoor pool. At one point, I talked to this grade 7 boy Jay* who was sitting by himself on the grass. He was a nice boy…polite, quiet. Not like most other gr 7 boys. He even encouraged me this past week after I led worship, saying I did a good job (seriously, what kind of kid does that?) Anyways, I noticed him scratching himself on the legs pretty vigorously. When I looked closely, I saw that he had hives all over his legs and on his upper body too. I suspected it was an allergic reaction to the chlorinated water…And so we got him to shower and change.
Afterwards, I felt bad for Jay that he couldn’t swim for the rest of the day, so I bought him a freezie and we sat and talked. He told me it was his first time swimming in an actual swimming pool (that’s why he didn’t even know about being allergic to chlorine), and that it was his first time at camp. Jay’s an only child that lives with his mom (who works as a maid) and grandma…his parents divorced when he was young.
And that’s the pattern I see in the kids at Malvern camp. Broken families. Single mothers raising their kids by themselves. Although some of them appear to be pretty normal, happy kids (like Jay). Others are noticeably angry, bitter. And some are just so “bad”. But really, I think they acting disobedient because they really just want attention and love/affection.
But really, brokenness occurs even in “nuclear” families. Two people may live together and hate each other, and fight all the time. In some ways, I feel that that’s worse that divorce.
I’m seeing more and more of my own brokenness and how I need God so much in my life.
The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (In the pain) there's the healing
In your name (In your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I would, would be ok
The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (In the pain) there is healing
In your name (In your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin)
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you
Closing time – open all the doors and let you out into the world.
Closing time – turn all of the lights on over every boy and every girl.
Closing time – one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer.
Closing time – you don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home…
Closing time – time for you to go out to the places you will be from.
Closing time – this room won’t be open ’til your brothers or you sisters come.
So gather up your jackets, and move it to the exits – I hope you have found a friend. Closing time – every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.
Yeah, I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home…
Closing time – time for you to go back to the places you will be from…
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home…
Closing time – every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end..
Yesterday, I went to the “In Transition” workshop hosted by C4C. It was a good opportunity to reflect about how I’ve grown/changed throughout university and how my life might change after I graduate. Although the target audience of the workshop was really ppl who are graduating and moving onto the workforce and I am aiming to get into grad school…I think it’s useful to look ahead to the next stage after school.
Something that really hit home for me was the idea that work is a calling.
Here’s a quote from an article in the “In Transition” workbook:
For a Christian, work is a calling. Whether you are a minister or a mechanic, you do no work because it pays the bills, or because it’s personally fulfilling, or because it’s what you went to school for. You work because it glorifies God.
I think that have been guilty of believing the common misconception that full-time ministry is “more important”, or “holier” than “regular work”. This also comes into play in other areas of spirituality…I’ve caught myself thinking “well, since I haven’t been ‘called’ to go on project, I should support those who have been”. But the bible is pretty clear when it says
Whether…you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. (1 Cor 10:31 NASB)
From [Christ]and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. (Rom 11:36)
When I read that..I thought about my past co-op terms. How many times have I just tried to “get through the day” at co-op? My last placement was the most enjoyable, but looking back I think I missed the mark in different areas. And even towards school. For us students, it’s hard to remember in exam times that we do this for the glory of God…because God is glorified when we do our best.
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I’ve been having some restless nights lately thinking about grad school acceptances, about the future, about what I will do if I don’t get into OT. Needless to say, this is an area that I am having a lot of trouble trusting God with. I had this mentality that “God, I’ve worked really hard to get to this place…please don’t let me down..” Yesterday, I was convicted that my attitude in thinking He “owed” something to me is wrong. I mean, God doesn’t owe me anything. Everything I have is from Him. It may sound cliche and overspiritualized or whatever, but I know that God created me – my brain, my intelligence (limited as it is har har), my hands, my feet…(Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. (James 1:17)) It’s not that I deserve to get into OT at all. If anything I should be grateful to have gotten this far.
