Archive for the 'Things to come' Category

Lacking Zeal and “Umph”

‘Now, comrades, what is the nature of this life of ours? Let us face it: our lives are miserable, labourious, and short.  We are born, we are given just so much food as will keep the breath in our bodies, and those of us who are capable of it are forced to work to the last atom of our strength; and the very instant that our usefulness has come to an end we are slaughtered with hideous cruelty.  No animal in England knows the meaning of happiness or leisure after he is a year old.  No animal in England is free.  The life of an animal is misery and slavery: that is the plain truth.’

~The Animal Farm

As I read this quote, I thought “wow, that sounds like my life”.  Even though it really isn’t…and shouldn’t be. (Thank God, I wasn’t slaughtered before turning 1, and I get more than enough food)  The life of a regenerated person should not be thought of as miserable or slavery (at least not slavery in its negative implications).  But lately it’s been an uphill battle against feelings of tiredness, boredom, lack of motivation…I feel absolutely drained from the day in and day out working life.  Being used to change (which is usually something I hate) every 4 months, my I find myself always being…tired.

What is my solution?  I wake up and I don’t want to get up.  I look upon my tasks with dread (besides actual work - Work term report, studying physiology, grad school apps)  Why am I like this?  Is it the seasonal depression kicking in?  “I don’t wanna work, I just wanna bang on my drums all day”.

I lie down and sleep;
I wake again, because the LORD sustains me.
(Ps 3:5)

Should I or Should I not…?

…play softball this summer?

Plans for summer thus far:

-Work
-Biology of Aging (DE)
-RELAX
-Aletheia/SG
-Where should I serve/grow?
-Swimming lessons?

Hmm….
thinking about the summer is distracting.

Sick of snow

I never was a fan of winter and this year, there has been SO much of the white stuff.

I hate having to wear thick winter jackets, glove, hat, scarves, boots - It takes so much time and I always manage to lose something.  (I’ve lost a couple hats and a pair of gloves in the past couple winters).  I despise having to trudge through a feet of snow to get to class, with the bitter-cold wind whipping at your face.

The only good thing about winter in Waterloo is *snow days*.

Anyways.  A storm is headed our way.  I hope hope hope tomorrow is a snow day.

Live Your Life

It sort of dawned on me, that after almost 4 years of University…I can almost say being a student at Waterloo is second nature to me. Except it wasn’t always like this. I was reading back on my old blog entries, and I realize just how difficult it was, to decide what University to attend. Now, I don’t doubt my decision to that it was in God’s plan for me to be here. I can’t imagine what life would be like if I had chosen another school…but I probably would not be the person I am today. I’m so thankful that I’m in Health Studies and not a pure science program because I realized that I really don’t like science that much. I’m glad I’m in co-op because I’ve gotten to experience work struggles as well. I’m thankful for the friendships I’ve made and for those “upper-years” who made a special effort to care for me when I was a frosh.

On Thursday this week, in my Health 352 (Sociology of Aging) class, my prof showed a documentary called Bunny & Leona. The documentary was about two sisters, Bunny (her real name is Maxine) and Leona, and their struggles as they adjust to living in a nursing home and a retirement lodge, respectively. Bunny, who suffered from MS for a large part of her life, had a stroke that left her nearly paralyzed and thus, she needed complex care. Leona, who’s the older sister of Bunny, never married, but helped Bunny raise her 4 kids and she never had a life of her own. She was always with family and it was a hard transition for her to live in a retirement lodge.

But the hardest part was watching the documentary was seeing Bunny go from being one of those grannies you love - funny, sweet, optimistic, to become a recluse who’s physical condition is slowly deteriorating, and who never smiles…it really made me feel sorry for her. Although I know that for the most part, older adults age well and don’t experience drastic declines in QOL (quality of life), I’m scared of aging. I really don’t want to end up in a nursing home, where 70% of the residents have some sort of dementia. To be honest, I’d rather die young than have to be in that situation… Pretty unthankful eh? It also makes me think about how I’m going to handle my two aging parents… Although Bunny had 4 kids, none of them took them into their care because she required a level of care that they couldn’t provide. She needed help with all of her ADLs - activities of daily living, including dressing, using the bathroom, eating…

It made me want to Live my Life. Yeah, it sounds like I’m promoting American Eagle. What does that mean? I feel like I’m missing out on opportunities to really live because I’m too caught up in my fear, in general busyness with the school… “Living life to the fullest”…that’s what I want to do. Not that that means going out there and partying it up…but I guess it’s being thankful for what you have, and enjoying the moment when it’s there, smiling at it as you remember the past.  As well, I remember that Jesus said The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full (John 10:10).  True meaning and purpose comes from living life in Christ.

Time’s a ticking…In the words of Andy Dufrense, the main character from The Shawshank Redemption (one of the greatest movies I’ve seen:P) Get busy living, or get busy dying.

Up in the air

I’ve been dealing with familiar bouts of anxiousness/worry lately, with the unpredictability of what the future holds.  Right now what should be exciting and fun to look forward to is like a shadow of gloom following me around.

What would life be, if you always knew what tomorrow would bring?  If everything was a sure-win?

Failure may be inevitable, but what is there to fear, when there is God guiding me?

So I will breathe and let go.  If only for the next 5 minutes.